I have taken the time to go through the internet in search of those on the same journey as me, it's been interesting but the one that really caught my eye is one who shares the same blog name as me, only in wordpress (while I am on blogspot).
Kenn (www.myjourneywithaids.wordpress.com) about 'coming out' and I admire his courage. The T-shirt he wears tells you all what you may need to know and he has even published a photo of himself on the web. People, I am not even using my real name (Juanita is my pseudo) let alone publishing my photo... yes, I am a coward. Say it. I can take it. Right now, I cannot even imagine facing my own family with the news and I am thankful for little mercies such as the web, for here I can releive my problems and have people like you walking with me, without having to look at me any different as you do not know me physically).
Speaking of coming out, I cannot imagine the reactions from everyone that I would be 'coming out to' and could only wish for a happy and neutral meeting, though I know that's a lot of wishful thinking. My boy is still at my mums and will be there for a while. I would like to use the time on my own, pondering on my next sequence of events.
I will be going to a clinic tomorrow for advice and councelling. I was supposed to have done this days ago, but didn't get around to it. I will also need to learn about medication, what, which, where, when... and I will brave myself to ask about any active groups of people like me (the dying? the infected? the affected? Who the hell are people like me?) that hold anonymous meetings or something like that.
I have lost about 9kg in the last two weeks, mostly out of stress and worry, not illness. I will need to work on that for various reasons, one being stereotype. See what I mean (http://www.eastandard.net/mag/mag.php?id=1143970598&catid=300). As for now, the journey continues. Maybe I am going crazy, but it now seems abit funny. I feel like I am walking along this long winding road, all on my own and when I hear apporaching footsteps, some kind of noise, whatever, I jump into the bush and keep still till all is quiet, then I carry on with my journey. It's a mixture of feelings. I feel alone and in need of someone to walk by me, but I do not want my face seen, my identity out... something like that.