Wednesday, 11 July 2007

Psychic or what?

I was thinking about this earlier today, trying to place my finger on what exactly it's about. The day I went to an AIDS programme office, the lady behind the desk knew that I was there due to personal HIV/AIDS issues. Though she didn't directly tell me so at first, there was no doubt that she knew it was me I was there for. Then, Sunday I go to the childrens home, and the duty manager can just about tell that I have some issues with HIV/AIDS... well, that's why I was in the home in the first place, but for her to know that I was infected... psychic?
Then there was the rude, loud woman receptionist at the VCT center, who knew that 'everyone else was there for the same reason as me'. This one was kind of obvious, for why else would I be sitting/waiting at the reception of a VCT centre? I wasn't passing time or on a tea break, I was waiting to see an advisor who, for my information, is not a financial, relationship or academic advisor. Anyway, so much for trying to get some cover. But, you know what, I don't feel as bad right now that a couple of people picked out my issues. That saved me the agony of wondering where to start from or if to tell them at all. Like the lady at the childrens home... of what good would I be whining about my situation when she had a home full of kids that all needed her attention, mostly orphans, yet I am a totally grown woman with a very healthy son and should take a grip of myself. I want to go back to the home and volunteer. I want to go back and be the mommy the kids are lacking. I want to go back with my son, and introduce him to the world of HIV/AIDS and how other infected and affected kids are dealing with it... have him see how well they are carrying on with life. This might actually be a good starting point, for him to join me on my journey... he still doesn't know, you see.
Back to the psychic... Just how did they know? I guess it's something to do with spending time with people of a certain nature. I guess it's being part of the flock that makes you recognise those in your fold. The spot on my face is just about gone, and I am gaining back the weight that I lost out of stress and worry, so I do not have the basic, obvious signs that would attract undue attention.


Kenn Chaplin said...

Hello *Juanita*.

I think you are on the right track! It was my experience that, as a few strangers in clinical situations found out my status, it became a little easier to imagine eventually telling people who were more important to me.

((Stay strong my friend))

Jamie said...

I hadn`t been able to visit your blog for a bit and I was just reading your latest entries.Your renewed strength just jumps out at me.
I could feel your fear before and now I just feel power coming from you.